


I Burn for You

by sushiloveswhitlock



Category: Twilight
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 00:50:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushiloveswhitlock/pseuds/sushiloveswhitlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally written for Fandom4Storms 2011. This is a One-shot of Bella as she goes through her change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Burn for You

**Author's Note:**

> This story couldn't have happened without DarkNNerdy who helped inspire me to write this. SparklingFae and JaspersBella were the pre-readers for this and Ms. Mynxi was the beta.

****

**Burning. It was spreading. First it was in my neck and then I felt it in one wrist and then the other. Next it was my ankles. My head felt heavy and my vision started to darken. I shut my eyes tightly to block out the pain. The noises that surrounded me became less clear and more muddled. I wanted to move and thrash about but the pain was building and I felt paralyzed. The only thing I could do was open my mouth and let out a blood curdling scream.**

**Darkness flooded my brain and fire continued to lick at my body. I whimpered. I fucking screamed. I begged to be released from the torture. I tried not to think of anything and just be but it was pointless. I saw blackness with random flashes of bright white. Whenever those appeared it seemed to also jolt through my body melting my bones into pure molten lava.**

**I wasn’t sure how much time passed before my brain became more aware of what exactly was going on. I had been bitten. I was going through the change. And it hurt like a motherfucker. The blackness that held my brain so tightly loosened its hold after a while and I was able to think more clearly. I was still hurting but I was aware of my screams. I could also feel my arms and legs each time I thrashed about. I felt a hard coolness wrap around me. He was trying to soothe me; his bare skin against my own. I wanted to say something so that he’d know how much I appreciated him being there. I saw the words in my brain and opened my mouth.**

**“Kill me! Fucking kill me now!”**

**Great, my mouth wasn’t listening to my brain. I clenched my jaw shut not wanting to cause him any more discomfort than I was. Every time my body betrayed me and unclenched, a rash of screams and a litany of curses erupted from me. I cursed the pain. I begged for death. I blamed him.**

**When I didn’t feel him on me, I somehow knew he was still nearby. It was as though an invisible lifeline was between us. I was relieved that I wasn’t alone.**

**More time passed and my brain became clearer. Memories in the shape of delicate blossoms floated down and I caught them easily in my hand. Soon more blossoms floated down and they were coming from different directions. I suddenly found myself running around to catch them before they were absorbed into the ground. I started to panic. I could feel my heart racing faster as I tried desperately to hold onto each and every blossom that floated down. Still more came down, faster this time. Some melted away and others floated into a dark void. I was feeling hopeless. My memories were going away. I didn’t want to forget; there was so much I needed to remember. Most importantly I was so fucking afraid that I’d forget him.**

**Oh please, help me remember you. Don’t let me fucking forget. You promised.**

**I must have said it out loud or loud enough for him to hear. I felt his touch on my hand and then he brushed my hair aside. He wrapped his body around me again and I felt his lips near my ear. I heard his voice. He was talking to me. He was telling me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. He was glad that I came back into his life and he was never letting me go. He told me we had talked about this very moment and how I didn’t want him to candy coat my life. I had wanted to know the good as well as the bad.**

**He started with how we first met, back at Forks and how I made such an impression on not just his family but on him. He spoke of a ballgame gone awry and that I was pursued by a trio of vampires. I was bitten but the venom was removed. He told of a birthday party disaster that lead to them leaving me. He told me how I talked about my depression and how I nearly failed the first semester of my senior year before pulling myself out of the funk and finally moving on.**

**I listened as he told me how we met again. I had moved to Boulder, Colorado and was attending night classes when I ran into him, literally. My head was buried in a book as I grabbed my coffee and headed to the seating area. He told me I wasn’t paying attention as I walked past his table and tripped over his legs. I heard the laughter in his voice as he told me how he caught me from falling face first onto the floor. We were both shocked to see each other at first but then, because we were both on our own, we became friends.**

**Charlie. He told me about my father and how the month after I graduated high school, he was involved in a drunk driving accident. The driver crossed the center divide and hit Charlie straight on. The driver died instantly; Charlie was not so lucky. I listened as he described how I sat and watched as machines kept him alive and drugs were pumped into his system while I waited. After a few days, I made the difficult decision by myself; I let him go. He told me how the night we talked about Charlie was the first time I had allowed myself to cry and mourn. I wanted to do something in his name. I suggested a summer camp program for disadvantaged kids be created in his honor and we were there when they opened the camp the next summer.**

**Renee. He said our relationship came to a dead stop after Charlie’s death. I waited for her to come out; I needed her. I needed my mom there. But as it turned out, her baseball playing husband was accused of doping and she was scandalized. She was so absorbed with her life that she just drifted away. Given the chasm between us, there was no sadness, no loss.**

**More screams and whimpers. My body ached all over but it felt like my brain was even more aware of things around me. He comforted me and held me as he continued to weave my memories together. He saw so much more through his eyes and each thread that he’d weave, my past, my history, became a beautiful piece of cloth.**

**I heard the pain in his voice as he explained how scared he was to see me the night he slipped on his diet and fed from a homeless man before burning his body in a dumpster. He knocked on the door of my apartment late that night and I was shocked at the tell tale red in his eyes but still I invited him in. He said I never judged him or treated him like he was a monster. Even though I was human and was a little apprehensive of being near him at first, never once did I look at him with disgust. We talked about it for days, he was conflicted because I was his closest friend and yet a part of him wanted to go back to being a human drinker. He told me he was shocked that I would accept his lifestyle so long as he didn’t feed on innocents. He confided to me that for the first time in his life, he felt love. True love.**

**I felt his lips kiss my neck and the sensitive spot right behind my ear before he told me how we had been growing closer but it wasn’t until he drove us up to Mt. Evans on his motorbike that we first kissed. We had parked the bike and were walking around enjoying the view when we stared into each others eyes; my chocolate brown ones to his crimson. He pulled me close to him and our lips locked. He said that from that moment on, we were inseparable. The very next time we were there, the roads had been closed for the season. We got out of the car and he had me wrap my legs around him as he held me close. I snuggled against his chest as he ran us up to the top of the mountain. When we got there, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.**

**Our wedding day. It wasn’t a fancy glamorous event but it was beautiful nonetheless. The sound of the aspen trees provided the music and the fall colors were better than any bouquet I could have bought. I could practically feel his love as he talked about how the blue of my dress was a close match to what his human eyes were. He had never felt such overwhelming love before as he slipped the band on my finger and I became Isabella Whitlock.**

**The temperature of his skin wasn’t as cool like it had been earlier and the fire seemed to have subsided for now, but I was still in pain. I wasn’t sure if I could even cry out at this point and I shook uncontrollably as whatever this was, wracked through every vessel and cell in my body. I willed my hand to give his a squeeze. Once again I saw a word in my brain and I opened my mouth to say it.**

**“Jasper.”**

**I wasn’t sure if he actually heard me but I was glad it was what I wanted and willed my mouth to say this time.**

**A cloth gently wiped my skin and once again I felt his arms wrap themselves around me. He talked to me about how we decided this moment; me becoming a vampire. Highlights of our intimate moments. Our first time; the passion, the wonder as we stared in each others eyes and that feeling of togetherness. The backseat of his pick up truck on a warm Colorado summer night. The numerous times in that walk-in steam shower. He was finding the need to claim me more and more and the only way to truly claim me as a mate was to bite. He told me how I was concerned for his well being and that he felt my fear but it wasn’t of being bitten, it was of being left alone; abandoned.  It was my decision as to when and how to be turned. We talked about the date I chose and decided to make the preparations for that.**

**I loved hearing the snippets of my life as he continued. I wanted to laugh and cry along with him. They seemed so vivid coming from him as he continued to take me on this journey. I hope he knew I really appreciated his efforts to make sure I wouldn’t forget. It felt like the love that I had for him increased tenfold.**

**Please feel how much I love you.**

**His skin didn’t feel as hard against mine as it always had. I realized that it probably meant that I was going through the change. It was really happening. I felt hyper-aware of my surroundings, the sound of the air conditioner clicking on from the opposite side of the house, that scent, so familiar; warm summer rain over a lemon grove and coffee; only more complex now. It was a Meyer Lemon grove and the beans were from East Africa; Kenya specifically. I was amazed that it just seemed to pop into my head like that and it was so specific.**

**My heart sounded erratic. First it would race and then slow to a near stop before it would beat harder and louder. I was breathing hard and my body continued the agonizing burn from within. Every fucking atom in my body felt like it was being stretched to its very limit and crushed at the same time. My mind though, seemed clearer than ever and I couldn’t wait until this burn was over.**

**More whisperings of encouragement and then he talked about how each night before I’d go to sleep, we’d share memories with each other. He told me about the night we talked about his history and how he was changed. He loved hearing my antics as a kid. There I was in pigtails with my front teeth missing as I punched a neighbor boy for trying to take my Big Wheel. How I scraped my knees when I fell trying to jump off the swing set. I could feel his love as he told me memory after memory.**

**How much time has it been already? How is Jasper doing? That lifeline we shared no longer felt invisible and fragile. It was a big part of me now. I felt, no, I knew that if it were ever severed, it would destroy me and I could almost guess that it would be the same for Jasper.**

**His family or rather, the family that abandoned him. I heard his chuckle as he talked about the argument we had that lead to me calling him an “asshole” as I slammed a door in his face. He had wanted to tell them that we were together. I told him he wasn’t obligated to tell them anything and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about them for the way they distrusted him. They fucked it up by not only leaving me but leaving him as well. He said he had never seen me so angry about anything before and he shook with laughter as he admitted that he was scared of me as a human.**

**My impending diet. He said I wanted to follow his diet and he was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle the death and destruction of humans. He didn’t want to force a decision on me but rather, he wanted to make damn sure I knew of the consequences. Either way, human or animal I had his support. In the end though, we had made the decision together that if ever the human diet got too much for me, he’d make sure he’d wean me off of it. I asked him to please make sure to help me adhere the rule of not feeding on innocents.**

**A new burning. It was a strange sensation that began in my throat, it wasn’t strong but I somehow knew it wasn’t going to stay that way for long. I wasn’t absolutely sure what that meant other than I was going to be thirsty. I heard him growling beside me. I don’t think he had fed since he bit me. I whimpered out loud, and then felt comforted as he placed his hand over my heart. Once again I felt his mouth against my ear as he said I was doing great and I could feel his love as he continued to tell me how proud he was of me and that we were getting close.**

**I heard the sounds of his phone as he punched in a number. He must have had it on speaker because I heard every word he said to his brother Peter. I tried thinking back this time. Oh yes, his brother Peter and his wife Charlotte. I could feel Jasper lying down beside me and he placed his hand over my heart again. He laid down and murmured in my ear that they were staying on the opposite end of our property. They were going to make sure we would be able to feed when I awoke.**

**He continued talking about his brother and sister. He invited them to stay with us because with his growing need to claim me, he had taken to feeding more often and in order to not arouse suspicion, he extended his feeding area. I felt his hand caress my cheek as he told me the moment I first met them.  We had been waiting for their arrival and I was holding onto Jasper’s hand. I felt his steady stream of calm as I stood there. When they finally arrived, he said he was shocked that I let go of his hand and launched myself into Peter’s arms. I thanked them both over and over again for saving my Jasper.**

**Oh holy motherfucking hell! I had stopped burning for a while but now, this sudden surge just jolted through my system and I nearly bucked up off the bed. I felt Jasper’s arms and legs try to pin me down. I fought and screamed and cursed some more. He kept his hold of me and continued to whisper and comfort me.**

**“Bella darlin’, you’re gettin’ close. It will hurt more before it is over but I’m here,” his whispered breath so close to my ear. “I love you so much, please know that.”**

**Why won’t this fucking pain go away?**

**I whimpered and clenched down hard on my jaw again. I wanted to let him know I heard but like before, every time I loosened the hold of my jaw, I erupted in words that would make a sailor blush; more so than my usual self.**

**There was a sound of a car door slamming outside followed by scrambling and sounds of a mysterious thumping. I felt a strange rumbling start in my chest before it stopped. I wasn’t sure what that meant but it started the moment a strange but alluring scent wafted up to my nose. And a sudden fire erupted in my throat. I had no idea what it was but I knew it wasn’t Jasper.**

**Jasper was again wrapped around me, his flesh almost feeling pliant against mine and only slightly cooler than before.  He held onto me tighter than I had ever been held before. I recognized that it probably meant my skin was still phasing itself into the hard vampire skin that I will wear forever. I pictured a spectrum with one end the human flesh, the other vampire skin and guessed that I was maybe three-quarter of my way towards my final destination. Having taken science classes, I tried to picture the cells, nerves and vessels and how they all needed to be different now. I thought of anything to keep my mind from the pain. I counted the mysterious thumping sounds from below. I realized I could now keep count of that along with the erratic heartbeats of my heart with little problem.**

**I gritted my teeth and willed my body to move my lips. “Jas...per...love...you”.**

**I was breathing hard. It took so much fucking effort to just say that but I think I managed. All the while still keeping count of strange thumping noises. I was up to 3 digits now and was able to distinguish that there was more than one thumping sound but rather, there were 3 separate sounds. I wasn’t sure what any of this meant but I wanted it. Whatever it was. **

**What do I want to do with them?**

**My heart, there were moments where it would race so fast that I thought it would leap out of my body and then it would slow to an almost painful stop. Fast...faster...slow...near stop…and then all over again.  My hands tried to claw its way into my chest and remove it. It hurt so fucking bad. I cried and pleaded once again for someone to end my suffering.**

**As I continued counting that fucking thumping noise in an effort to further distract myself, I thought back at how I was bitten. This was one memory I could remember; it was fresh and even though it was now a little fuzzy, I still remembered the details. I decided to end my human days on the anniversary of Charlie’s death. More specifically, I wanted to be bitten the very moment he died. The exact moment. Jasper agreed but I had one more request, I withheld this bit of news until the day of. I wanted to sleep one last time and asked if he could bite me while I slept. He explained that it wouldn’t deter the pain but I explained that it was my way of sending peace to Charlie one more time. I cried so hard in his arms as I explained my reasons and he just held and rocked me.**

**No frenzied moments in the shower that evening. We took our time since it would be the last time for me as a human. A kiss that seared in my brain forever. Our foreheads touched as we moved together. The sounds of whispered murmurs of our love for each other and my trust for him. Our eyes stared at each other as our hands roamed over our bodies. His hand over my heart as he continued to rock his hips up to mine. My legs were wrapped around his torso as my thighs gripped hard. My hands gripped his hair. When I was close, he said he wanted to remember the sound and the feel of my heart the very moment my orgasm shook through my body. He placed lips on my neck, his tongue snaked out to taste my pulse. I came undone as my world exploded and brought him to his release. He growled loudly, his head thrown back and the sinews strained against his neck. We laid on the shower floor catching our breath; my head on his chest as he caressed my back and sent me calm.**

**“Soon, Bella. I’m guessin’ another hour or so based on your heart,” Jasper said as I felt his fingertips brushing the hair off my face. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful. You were always beautiful and now you’ll be durable as well. I’m so proud of you, you’re almost done. I can feel your hunger darlin’ and our meals are waitin’ for us. I’ll be there with you on your first feed. You can watch me if you want to see how it is done or just let your instincts guide you. Whatever you want, baby.”**

**Fabric. My arms and legs were being moved and I realized Jasper must be putting clothes on my body. This must mean I’m really getting close. The mysterious thumping, the scent, and strange sounds coming from outside had me intrigued and I wanted it even more than before.**

**I heard his phone buzzing followed by a series of tapping as he must have been texting whomever was on the other end.**

**“You hear that Bella? That thumpin’ noise from outside? Do you smell that comin’ through the open window?  He found them under a local underpass, darlin’ so don’t worry. No innocents. Peter said the woman was a drug addict and a prostitute. She’s sickly and has been infectin’ people not just through her line of work but just coughs and spits at random people at the local park. She also yells and screams profanity at them.”**

**So that was what the sounds and scent were.**

**Jasper continued with describing who our meals were. “The two men are assholes. One likes to flirt with women so they could fight over him. He also blackmails them afterwards. He’s arrogant, manipulative and needs to be the center of attention. Baby, he’s like those guys who used to hit on you at the bar when we first met. The other one, likes to drink a lot and has been known to drive while intoxicated.”**

**That strange feeling and sound from deep in my chest came back. My throat burned and I whimpered. I wanted the drunken driver.**

**“Throat...burns...drunk,” I gritted through my clenched teeth.**

**I shivered and continued to claw at my chest. My heart beat was racing now and pounding so fucking hard. I just wanted to rip it out and make the pain stop.**

**“Wait outside, it’s happenin’. I’ll holler if I need help. MOVE!”**

**I wasn’t sure what was happening. It was rare that he would sound that demanding. It must be really important. He was no longer lying next to me on the bed but I could feel he was nearby.**

**“Fuck!... Pain! Heart!” All thoughts of thumping sounds or why Jasper was growling out orders disappeared. I screamed one more time as my heart finally felt like it exploded into a billion pieces from within. I could almost see the flash of blinding white light behind my eyelids. My eyes had been clenched so tight and I was panting but knowing that my heart no longer beat, I knew that the panting wasn’t necessary.**

**I laid there for what seemed like hours but was probably only a minute or two as my senses took in my surroundings. I took my time in cracking my eyelids open; first one and then the other before opening them fully.**

**I was disoriented. Everything looked as I remembered it but not at the same time. Colors were more vibrant and things were so much clearer and sharper. I could see the dust dancing in the sunlight as they floated down. Like little tiny snowflakes, they each looked unique in pattern.  
I looked ahead at the man standing in front of me. He kept his head down but I could tell he was still watching me. I cocked my head to the side as I studied him. The scars frightened me and I was ready to run but then that pulling in my chest seemed to will my legs one step at a time towards that man. Each hesitant step I took, a flood of memories flickered through my mind. By the time I was within arm’s reach of him, I recognized him as being my mate, Jasper. I tried to talk but my throat burned so all I could do was whimper in agony. I tensed when he moved his arms, my muscles were ready to run. His hands were open and in front of him as he continued to keep his eyes low. **

**I looked up at him. A part of me still wanting to run but in my mind, I kept telling myself that this was Jasper, my mate. My hand shot up and clutched at my throat. The burning was worse. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I fought the urge to bite my mate in front of me. I wanted to go to that thumping noise and feed until I couldn’t anymore.**

**“Bella? It’s me, Jasper”**

**I looked at him, his voice was beautiful and I probably would have smiled if that pain wasn’t there. I moved just a little bit closer to him, that pulling feeling in my chest telling me that it was what I needed. When I got close enough, I felt him slowly pulling me into his arms. His scent washed over me and I almost immediately felt calmer. The burning in my throat was still there, even stronger now.**

**“Bella, baby, we need to feed. You more than me. I can feel your burnin’, darlin’ and it is overwhelmin’ your senses, isn’t it?**

**I nodded slightly. It almost hurt move any part of me that was close to my neck. Jasper lifted me up and ever so gently carried me outside. It was sunny and I immediately noticed the sparkling of our skin. If I didn’t feel like tearing my throat apart just to alleviate the pain, I would have admired the texture of our skin. We headed towards the large shed he built near a grove of tall pines. The thumping was louder and I squirmed under his hold as I tried to get to the thumps. I could feel him sending me a stream of calm and I am sure it was working because even though I was ready to tear limbs to get to the thumps I didn’t.**

**He opened the door and the mouthwatering scents flooded my system. I was dizzy with need. I whimpered and growled and pushed roughly against him as I fought to get to the source. The venom in my mouth pooled and even if I could talk, I wouldn’t have been able to without drooling.**

**The woman was the first one I saw and being that she was smaller than me, I grabbed her first. She yelled at me and started to spit at me. If I weren’t so damn thirsty I probably would have paid more attention when she started making some awful noises through her nose. No matter, I threw my hand over her nose and mouth and kept her from breathing. I was a little overeager when I pulled her head back and heard the crack as I bent down. She screamed as I ran my nose along her neck. I bit down hard and blood spurted all over as I didn’t latch on but I didn’t care. The warm red liquid soothed my throat some but as I squeezed her to get every last drop, I realized I needed more but I felt a little calmer. I dropped the body down onto the dirt floor and looked at my clothes. I think I was wearing almost as much of my food as I had eaten.**

**“More, please.”**

**Jasper came up to me and brushed my hair affectionately as he reached over to grab the man he knew I wanted. He took the other one by the scruff of his neck. His eyes were dark and I knew he was hungry.**

**“Darlin’, I’m right here with you but I’m movin’ to the farther end of the shed to give ya some space.”**

**I nodded and grabbed the man’s hand and jerked him forward. The look of shock on his face was priceless and I was glad that I now have a vampire brain to process all of this and remember that for all eternity.**

**The man still reeked of alcohol. I could hear Jasper behind me as he growled and caused the man he had to scream out in fear.**

**The drunk man was much taller than me and fairly large. I thought of my memories and just pictured this man being Charlie’s killer. I growled in anger and hunger. I grabbed his arm again and this time I pulled harder and felt and heard the pop of his shoulder being dislocated. He howled in pain as I pulled him closer to me and bit down on his neck. I was more careful this time and managed to only spill a trickle of blood on me. My meal went fast and I was done just as Jasper tossed his meal onto the pile. I turned to look at him and he took my breath away.**

**He was panting slightly and had a glint in his eyes that caused my own unnecessary breath to hitch. A rumbling growl was building from my chest as he appeared just inches from me and slowly licked a droplet of blood that lingered on my corner of my mouth.**

**“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he whispered gruffly against my skin.**

**I was still running on more instinct than anything as I grabbed his hair and pushed him hard against the shack moving the building a few feet over. I watched as his crimson eyes turned black and felt my own change. I inhaled his scent and noticed it was strong and also laced with his meal’s blood. He growled as he lifted me up, spinning us so that I was now against the wall.**

**“Legs around me, baby.”**

**I grabbed a hold of his shirt as I wrapped my legs around his muscular torso. I whimpered and moaned when my tank top was torn off of my body followed by my pants. I was wet and I was sure he could smell my arousal.**

**“Fuck, you’re so wet for me, Bella.”**

**I nodded and grabbed his shirt and ripped that damn thing in half as he pinned me against the wall. I reached down and grabbed his jeans and pulled hard causing the riveted buttons to pop out.**

**Now was the time for frenzy as he slammed me onto him hard. Had I been human I would have broke. But as it was, this was exactly what Bella, the vampire needed. The only sounds were our growls and moans as he drove into me over and over. It was desperate and I knew what this meant. I could feel it building up within me as my walls started to tighten. His neck was exposed and his face was raw and feral. Venom started to build as I was getting closer and closer. I could tell he was too, that hunger in his eyes now replaced with heavy need. He was probably also projecting his feelings. I grabbed his hair just as he twisted mine into his fist pulling my head to the side exposing my neck.**

**“MINE,” we both roared out.**

**I felt his teeth pierce my flesh and the pleasure was now mixed with pain. I let out a hiss.**

**So close!**

**I extended my neck a little to reach his. I was so fucking close. His teeth were still sunk right above my collarbone and I bit down hard on his neck. He continued thrusting hard into me and the sensations were building up. I was getting even closer. His teeth sunk just a little further and I was done for, I exploded around him. I let go of his neck and threw my head back feeling my walls just pulsate around him. It was his turn to cum and he released his teeth from me and let out a huge roar. As we came down from our high, I felt his tongue tracing the new mark on my neck and I followed his actions.**

**“Peter! Char! Go get the truck now and load up the bodies. We’re goin’ back to the house and need some alone time,” he ordered.**

**Then his expression softened as he looked at me. “Well, Mrs. Whitlock, let’s get back into the house and we can play in the shower.” He made sure my legs were still wrapped tightly around his waist and ran us back to the house.  
**

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the piece that inspired I'm Still Holding On which I'll be posting here soon. It takes time to get that darn thing posted as it has so many chapters.


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